WHat's happening

 I could not bring myself to write for the last few months. I have felt good and I have been spending my time with my prima amiga with whom I have shared the most wonderful summer. It is reassuring to me given what I face to realize that the power of love is more important than life. Without love life is meaningless and that is demonstrated over and over to me.
       I got back today from LA where I consulted a doctor who specializes in Prostate Cancer and the news while not without hope is pretty grim. I had been doing an experimental drug trial it is not working, the cancer seems to have spread and the pain has become severe at times. Prayer has transformed my evenings praying that others do not suffer as I  suffer actually helps. It is relieving to believe that my prayer will keeps others from the pain that my body sometimes has and that those who I love will not be repelled or hurt by suffering that I may needlessly inflict while in a form of debilitation.
      I am also getting some acupuncture that has lessened that suffering  that the body endures. At time the pain is but a whisper at times it has all the quietness of a jet airliner at takeoff. Two weeks ago it was breaking the sound barrier now it is more of a quiet rustle.
      The numbers are very poor PSA is over 1000 the cancer leaves me exhausted along with anemia.
        The possible choices have to be agreed upon between several doctors who have told me that I can be cautiously optimistic to another who says that I should start chemo yesterday.
       The best thing that I can think of is to throw a equinox party so that is now part of my plans.
         I will talk  to doctors the rest of the week maybe something will come of it. I promise to write more.