Long time

             Since my last post I have gone through chemotherapy and while the results were good the report from the doctor today suggests that they were not long lasting . PSA is going up dramatically and my options are narrowing again.
            I am weak and have been in a couple situations where life and death were  very close .
             All this is dramatic and I have been through a lot but the more I endure the more at peace I seem to become. Not to say that I am blissed out all the time I am not , but when the emotions and physical pain come they are not  something that I make mine but rather observe a passing phenomena . Makes the process much easier. WHen I first started chemo I went to a meditation retreat with SHinzen YOung , the first day I could not walk 100 yards and slept continuously by the end of the retreat I was spending my time in a Jhana ,  a state of meditative adsorption so deep and profound that prose cannot describe and only spiritual poetry can allude to . Available to all it lessens fear of dying by the realization of identification with that deep state of being, rather than the corporeal and emotional form that is frightened ,decaying , and wasting.
       I have not given up upon the life that inhabits this mind and body but I realize that I am greater than the form and identifying with it is a losing proposition .

        My beloved whose name is Allie has taught me much . Lao-tsu said that " Being deeply loved gives one strength and loving deeply gives one courage." That has been my beloved Allie's teaching to me , it is a great blessing one for which I a m deeply grateful.
        Today also saw the reappearance in my life of one my oldest and dear friends , Diana, we have know each other since grade school and merely take up our conversation where we left off. She and her husband are in Az for a few days I am delighted that I will get to spend some time with them.
        Also got a wonderful you tube  http://youtu.be/3MXU4d2w5VI about a great little Corgi like mine going for  hike, got it from aka Scott Mumford another good friend whom I have not given enough thanks for his kindness and compassion.
        I also want to thank my cousin Rebecca ,although the word niece is more appropriate. When I stared the chemo she came a spent 5 weeks with me and it was one of the most enjoyable and educational experiences of my life. We read together every day discussed whatever was on out minds , learned from the teaching of Shinzen Young, walked and delighted in each others company. I love the songs that are in her heart and come from her at the most delightful moments. She is wise beyond her years and is a blessing to whomever s life she is in. I am proud to have her as a relative and more importantly, as a friend.
        I have been very erratic in my posting  and no doubt will continue to be but whomever is left reading it thank you for the good wishes and kind words they are appreciated.