Party Planning

           The process is underway. I am writing my invitations to the Come to Awake party . We have lined up an art director , an MC ,  some musicians maybe even some kirtan singers, today I order the coffin , a cardboard box that everyone can write or draw or whatever on. Talking about where to have the event and getting the guest list together.
       Got my first chemo of the year a drug called Carbo-taxol . So far so good. Lighter dose so it should be easier to withstand . Also got saline at the same time which does a world of good.
       

Lots of good news

At  last . Yesterday my day was made. My niece after careful consideration has decided to be part of the meditation retreat in Phuket. I have offered her the opportunity to take two months to study with one of best western mediation teachers in the world. A student of the Dalai Lama and someone for whom I have a deep reverence and affection. He was a major force behind the Shamatha Project which is one of the most meaningful things that I have ever done and something that  transcended the mundane and lift part of my life for the service of all . He is a brilliant scholar whose humanity is so bright that it dims the luster of his brilliance.
        His name is Alan Wallace and it is now my goal to introduce this favorite niece to the rigors and rewards of the deep insights and profound satisfactions that two months of meditation will yield.
         She has the courage, strength of character , and  fortitude to do this and I am determined to give her  the opportunity.
         She wishes to be a social worker and this will help her go from being a good one to being a great one.Her clients will benefit from the insight that she gains, she will learn much of herself to serve them better and will make her career that much more satisfying .
           My partner Allie, a retired social worker, is living proof of this to me.
            It is something intangible that I can arrange  or at least try to . Not having much left in life to do this is important to me.
          The other good news is that I have decided to order a cardboard casket  and throw a party where I will have everyone who comes sign the casket or draw on it or create whatever they wish. For those who cannot make the trip I will invite them to write or create or imagine something to be included.
          The party will be called " Come to Awake". The double meanings  will be, I hope, understood and enjoyed by all

Return of hope

        I had a phone appointment with Dr Lam today. Much more optimistic than Gorsch he suggested several different options to pursue. SOme using combinations of old and new drugs, some different combos with chemo , some using old drugs that may still have an effect and the final being some new drugs.
It gives me hope for some life extensions, cure is in no ones lexicon but I have  a couple projects I would like to see brought to fruitions and  this gives me hope that I can live to see  at least some of them established and underway.
Allie's is back from Spain and my cousin/sister  just returned to the frozen wasteland of the mid-west after the phone conference with Dr Lam.
         On Sunday I attended a retreat with my KM group and as is my good fortune was once again rewarded with the spiritual uplifting  and healing that being with  them  has always brought me.
          Another amazing blessing for me is to understand how much care and loving kindness I am being given in the prayers and meditations of so many people whom I have known and loved in my life. It is both a great honor and very humbling.
          I hope everyone realizes how much I revere the love  being directed my way.



           
        

The news and the reactions

Here is a copy of the enail that I sent to everyone to give perspective about the situation that I face.

This morning in my prayer I asked Maharaji to be with me today . He said he was busy but would send Poppy and Mary as proxies. He did!

The construction guys were here and I had to back around them, Stella my car, now has  her first official banged up fender. I hit the water spigot. It does not looked damaged.

Mary, my cousin and Poppy , my neighbor and I went to  see Dr. Gorstch this afternoon and the news is that I have several options in front of me .

 Extreme chemo- good chance of working  on younger people but not for someone in my condition and age.

Milder but semi toxic chemo on  a weekly basis .---- It will maintain the cancer maybe but not improve my condition.

Quit chemo- more sleep , more painful and leave the body in 4  or 6 perhaps months more.Pain management the only therapy.

Call Dr Lam in LA when Allie returns . Get his opinion and thank him for all his good work.

Came home and Mary , Poopy, and I   vaporized . Spent much of  the afternoon laughing , talking about Rebecca, the spirits Poppy and I commune with and having a grand time.

The shock has not hit completely yet and the only decisions that I have made is to await Allie's return to talk this out, schedule a talk with Dr Lam , and involve my spiritual friends   more in the process

Enjoy the beauty of being here now ,it is achingly awesome.

The results are many heart warming responses, for which I am most grateful. But to keep  my life in perspective I received one email that offered me congratulations . The universe does have sense of humor