heavy changes

This morning I arose at 4 to do a meditation that I have come to call nurture positive. It brings me to a deep sense of love and awareness. The joy for me is that it is recreate-able and expansive . Love flows from a boundless well. At the end of the meditation contraction from the state occurs but the boundaries are not as solid as they were before.
   From this state the day proceeded apace I am getting back into the stock market and have been very cautious not trusting my self but with the joy of doing what I I felt comfortable with made some money with the market going up then recognized the turn and made money with the market going down. I  feel like someone who was thrown off his bike and badly hurt getting up and getting back on the machine it was exhilarating.
  In this very delighted state I decided to have some lunch and casually swallowed some pills that were inhaled and I began to choke. Not being able to breathe focuses the mind rather quickly . Starting to turn blue I heard a voice in my head saying not to panic I remembered the heimlich maneuver and contracted my stomach forcing the pills free. With much coughing and chest pain as some of  the pills had dissolved and had been inhaled I spent the next hour spiting up the remains of the pills as well as vomiting. Very intense.
    From there to the dentist and the cleaning of teeth, back home I could only sit.
   I decided to watch the Disney movie UP which involved the loss of a man's life-long companion. From the highs of the morning through the intensity of the days experiences I then became deeply sad at loss for fiction is only a reflection of the illusion of our lives after the sadness had washed through me happiness and satisfaction once again returned. Another expansion and contraction of consciousness.
     I am amazed and grateful at how much and how well   I can respond and how quickly strong emotions are flowing through me.