Rage

    My nephew B is in town and for me that is an honor ad a pleasure.  He reads Einstein for light reading. Is still writing his book on the nature of how the mind works and has insights that he shares with me in the most kind and loving way.
      Thursday my ex invited us out to lunch and over to visit her home. I never had been there and was not particularly curious but it was the polite thing to do.
   WHile there B noticed me becoming more and more angry and noticed how the ex by just being who she is inflicted a level of cruelty upon me that she was not even aware of. THe evening after the visit was over  I awoke at two in the morning and found myself really angry with her . A meditation on the anger did not seem to do too much and in a later conversation with B he pointed out the cruelty and how she had a model of behavior that I was not living up to and then would make judgements about with the resultant diminution of me as a person. I keep wanting her to see how painful this is and when she does not I become enraged which because of my own models of behavior I turn against myself.
     Talking to B after the meditation was over we explored the relationship of mental models  and  how they deal with the physical universe.
     I spoke to prima amiga about what had transpired with the ex and she suggested that I write out a letter and put all of the feelings into it. I did so to see before me have venomous and hate-filled  my rage has been.
      To acknowledge to myself and speak the truth to people of how hurtful what they say and what they do are to me is what I understand the prima amiga to mean  as establishing boundaries.
       This rage and pain is difficult to accept in myself but the only way to be free is to go through.