The urologist presented a very grim picture of placing a stint into my ureater by going through the penis bladder and up the ureater . Bleeding in the urine , and infection are the possibilities, along with pain and the need to replace it . Or the other alternative is a colostemy bag. Stick a hole in my side insert a plastic tube and let the urine drain. Infection is the main drawback followed by tube replacement.
All in all it is just repulsive and the quality of life would deplete so quickly along with the lack of the opportunity to lengthen the process that I believe that I have found the place that I am going to have to draw a line between wanting to keep the body alive and forgoing medical procedures designed to lengthen life.
I spoke to the intake person a Hospice of the Pedimont and as a former volunteer I was completely familiar with most of it. WHen I have concluded that the treatments are no longer viable I will get on hospice .
Going Home. One of the meditations that I learned from the Shinzen Young retreat that I just returned from was a technique that is described below:
Nurture
Positive
Summary
Shinzen Young
1.
Start by
positioning your attention in Subjective Space.
Bring some attention to Image Space (in front of/behind your eyes) and some
attention to Talk Space (in your head/at your ears) and some attention to Feel Space
your body experienced in terms of the presence or absence of emotional type sensations).
You can do this
practice
with your eyes closed or open, but most people find it easier
to do it with eyes closed.
2.
Now intentionally create positive image, positive Talk and pleasant Feel.
Visually think about a person, place, material object or symbol that has a positive
connotation for you and that would tend to create a pleasant Feel tone. Be aware of
the mental Image itself and any pleasant Feel sensation it may trigger in your body.
At the same time verbally think a syllable, word, phrase, sentence or sequence of
sentences that matches with the Image and that also would tend to create a pleasant
Feel tone. Repeat that positive Talk over and over like a leisurely mant
ra while also tuning into any pleasant Feel sensation it may trigger in your body.
At the same time let there be a subtle smile on your face. Notice any pleasant Feel associated with that smile.
Thus, you’re continuously tuning in to positive Image, positive Talk and pleasant Feel with even attention to each of the Subjective Spaces. In other words ,you'r aware of positive Talk in your head, positive Image before your eyes, and pleasant Feel in your body all at the same time . This is the way to do the Focus on Positive technique.
The Image need not be vivid or stable, but if it completely vanishes, refresh it by
thinking of that person, place, object or symbol again.
The Feel sensation may be something triggered by the Image and Talk, or something
turned on directly in Feel Space, or merely the result of intentionally smiling.
The Feel sensation may be quite strong and widespread or quite subtle and localized. Any
sensation may be quite strong and widespread or quite subtle and localized. Any pattern is fine.
By deeply focusing on the image of coming home as a beloved child of a loving family I am able to maintain the equanimity that allows me to make obvious decisions without feeling the need to cling desperately to a failing body.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDeMbojj8-E&list=PLpWI1yEIe1nFP8FncvQ7V5RNfEIFt39H1
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