THE results of the MRI

          Yesterday I had an MRI . The purpose was to investigate two spots on the liver and kidney to determine if soft tissue cancer was in my body making me ineligible for a new  drug. The results were that the liver has two small spots that are consistent with prostate cancer of the liver. I am ineligible and more to the point the cancer has spread.
           I will be going to see the oncologist this Wednesday but I have ruled out several procedures that involve invasive surgery that has high risks of infection and must be repeated at 4 to 6 month intervals.
           Allie and I were saddened at this news but not overly surprised.
           Today I have processed this news to and have come up with an idea of how to approach this. My first response was to propose to Allie that we get married. I have been reluctant to do so since it would have made me ineligible for spousal benefits from Social Security but it now seems very unlikely that I will live to be 67+ to collect. Anyway I noticed a large gulp as the response to the proposal.
            I have thought about it further and am considering a larger party for family and friends that is a combination wake and wedding. I understand that in this state they cremated bodies in cardboard caskets so I thought it might be interesting to have one at the wake and have people decorate the casket rather than bring gifts.
            While it did occur to me that this might seem ghoulish , I thought of Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer in which Tom who was mistakenly given up for dead crept into the church where his funeral was being held and got to hear all the wonderful things that people had to say about him. I don't know how articulate my family and friends are but having them bring something to decorate the coffin or perhaps drawing or writing upon it  would put them more at ease.
             This certainly feels more uplifting than moping around feeling sad.