Yesterday I awoke dreading the day. I was to go the the oncologist to hear of the limited and perhaps unpalatable choices that were before me. Choices that included sticking a tube through my penis and bladder to run a tube into the ureter to insert a stent, with the accompanying pain , high risk of infection and need to replace this stent in a few months. Or having a tube stuck into my side to release the fluids in the blocked kidney. Again a painful procedure, with a high risk of infection and the need to have an iliostomy bag continully filling and being emptied.
My understanding was that the Xofigo , which is radium 222 di-chloride was something for which I would be ineligible . This was due to the finding of cancer in the soft tissue of the liver .
Allie and I depressed feeling the thick ,heavy, suffocating awareness that that state of mind induces. Naming and feeling this is part of the process of healing for me . When I simply feel this without attempting to suppress it then lets me let it go rather than fighting to deny how oppressive the feeling is.
The doctor came with what he anticipated was good news. Upon discussing the drug with the radiologist who would administer it , he discovered that the protocol would allow for the administration with minor soft tissue cancer, I was eligible.
Suddenly I had hope.
I have an appointment with the radiologist next Thursday.
Allie and I celebrated with scallops and white wine. I have not had a drink in nearly four years and two glasses of white wine went to my head immediately and I loved it.
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