Late Sunday afternoon

        It is late in the afternoon on Sunday and I have had a day in which using the meditation that I am learning has  brought me up to the old feelings that I would l often have growing up . I notice that I can no longer characterize them  like I used to. I would formerly described them as intense melancholy and I would flee from them mentally as quickly as I could unsuccessfully I might  add . Now it is something that observed closely is like watching a boring TV show.
       I went for a hike after my morning meditation and walked a different route. I walking this route I discovered garbage that had been lying  on the hillside for many years. Cans broken glass shot up bowls all rusty and very unattractive. I picked the garbage up and before I realized it I had more than I could comfortably carry.
       After disposing of the material I drove home and continued a project that I have been doing this week. That of recording into the computer all of the old tapes that have been sitting in the closet.  Winne the Pooh to Understanding Buddhist Psychology, the Ramayana to the Rolling Stones. I have heard what I have collected over the years and have put aside for newer and fresher things.  While playing these tapes I have been playing some computer chess and am gradually getting better. Another thing from my past that I had forgotten and put aside thinking that I had outgrown them.
         In the afternoon I spoke to the prima and now only girlfriend. SHe had been visiting her high school class reunion and spoke of how she had felt the same type of feelings that had been uncomfortable for her in high school had returned and or perhaps had never left. It was unfulfilling then and still is. It brought forth in me the same type of response about that which had not been fulfilled then was not fulfilled now.
           Later I talked to K the woman who I had thought would be a big part of my life and it turned out that she was since she fulfilled the role of catalyst in bringing A and I together into a union.(The desk clerk at the hotel we stayed at in San Antonio called her Ms. Meyer. )Anyway I needed K's help in filling some order forms for Tibetan herbs. She is happy in her new existence and I am happy for her.
           This feeling lasted the request number of hours before it passed and I had an opportunity to look
at it more closely as I become more skilled I will be able to figure out what was going on.
         One of the speculations that I have about this is that it is that it is part of the energy work from John of God . The sensations of having a energetic awareness of so much of my body at these times might be a possible explanation.
          Time will tell.