Meeting the Guru

The bhakti path

The bhakti path...

The bhakti path winds in a delicate way.
On this path there is no asking and no not asking.
The ego simply disappears the moment you touch
him.
The joy of looking for him is so immense that you
just dive in,
and coast around like a fish in the water.
If anyone needs a head, the lover leaps up to offer
his.

- Kabir

Neem Karoli Baba is my guru the presence in my life that inspires, plays with, elevates, carries me through hard times and teaches me . For the last four days I have been in the physical presence of those people who are my spiritual family. Those of us who see Maharaji's miracles in our lives. Those of us who depend on that presence for life, sustenance, and health: spiritual, mental and physical shared a few days together and renewed our faith in Maharaji. I had a long talk with Ram Dass about the situation and he first gently destroyed my ego's various desires. The first one being hope.

1. Don't wish for perfect health. In perfect health, there is greed and wanting. So an ancient said, " Make good medicine from the suffering of sickness." 2. Don't hope for life without problems. An easy life results in a judgmental and lazy mind. So an ancient once said, "Accept the anxieties and difficulties of this life". 3. Don't expect your practice to be clear of obstacles. Without hindrances the mind that seeks enlightenment may be burnt out. So an ancient once said, "Attain deliverance in disturbances". Zen Master Kyong Ho [ 1849-1912], in Thousand Peaks

This quote captures the essence of what was transmitted. The grasping mind will conjure up a plethora of things to attach itself to and the grasping is what gives the suffering. I am not speaking as one who has perfected anything but rather as one who is observing what the mind can do with a small amount of information that may not be true combined with a very vivid negative imagination.

The disease cancer that is in bones and lymph comes with a very scary scenario of pain and suffering and without the teaching of the Ram Dass and faith in the presence of maharaji fear of suffering can become into a reality without effort. Add in the very short days and long nights that winter gives combined with cool temperatures, an empty home, and the pot is waiting to be stirred.

My biggest fear is of losing faith, without that faith the chasm of despair and anger is very deep.

At the Shamatha retreat, after a month of practice, the first morning meditation was a gift from the divine. The next was a meditation that was skillful and complete. The next few were ordinary and by the end of the day all meditational qualities that had taken years to develop were gone, my faith was lost in my self, the practice, and my guru. It was a true hell. I was frightened and angry. There was a sense of losing all relationship to any form a sanity and that it was a permanent situation.

I felt great sympathy for the Dante's "Lucifer" in the Divine Comedy since he of all the angels had been God's favorite and now was banished. The reason Lucifer was so angry was that he had known the love of God, without that knowledge the anger is only of the human form and therefore incomplete because God still loves but without God the devastation is total. My guru is my way of understanding the divine which is as close to the divine as I currently understand.

The faith is in the changing nature of thoughts and emotions combined with the identification with the skylight nature of the mind. Maharaji for me enters as the nature of divine love. To be immersed in that love is more breathtakingly fulfilling an experience than can be imagined. The soul, mind and body are loved by the infinite, always have been, are now, and always will be. That love is all that can be depended upon since all else is of a transitory nature. Forgetting that love, becoming unaware of its magnificence, is to allow the soul to die. Identifying with that love that eternal unchanging being is to have grace.

Focusing the mind is helpful, doing this post is exceptionally helpful. The act of writing out what fears are there brings awareness to feeling and allows for the release from grasping. Hence less pain. Being aware brings an initial sense of aversion followed by a deeper sense of acceptance. Behind the acceptance is the letting go into grace.

I am drug averse and have had root canals without Novocain but the fear of something can exacerbate pain without its even being present. Mental pain is present when there is no awareness. When loving kindness is present the pain is allowed its moment of transitory reality to be replace by another transitory reality but behind these transitory states is love and when it becomes unfettered by the grasping mind Maharaji arises bestowing grace.

All of my training with the few simple abilities that I posses with working with the mind are being called upon in these moments and will be further taxed to their limits and beyond. This will strengthen my practice for the preparation for finals.