new year

Attended a healing gong meditation event last evening with 40 healers. I was in the center of the group with three other people and we were all getting rid of something. What I wanted to get rid of was the cancer.

As I was laying there I noticed that my mood lifted and that the tenor of my thought became much more healing and positive. THe people involved were healers ,part of the Sikh /3HO tradition and searchers for a positive outcome to the events of their lives.

THey are inspired focused and positive and their energy feels wonderful when down . THey lead to lots of life affirming decisions and are good in their way. Well disciplined and focused.

Spent new years eve with a friend . Started by going to the Sikh ashram and realized that I was out of place and uncomfortable called a lady I know found that she was doing nothing and visited her for a time . We sang kirtan to Dave Stringer and I loved it. Left early since Ira and I were going to a vajra rogini empowerment on New Years Day.

New Year's day was an opportunity to listen toe tapes that my prima amiga had sent me .. Spiritual Madness by Caroline Myss. A woman who has faced quite a bit in her life and made very good choices because of the wisdom that she has gained. The modern mystic was the theme for the tapes. Learning how to deal with the establishment of a functioning I and the the dissolution of the I which is the mystic path.

I resonated with those stories that spoke of suffering , loneliness, and abandonment and learning to give thanks for plenty in the midst of lack, being grateful in the most difficult of times for if that can be done then when the good times return as they do that then there is more to even be grateful for.

I thought of one instance that one has to balance this idea . THe other story is of a woman who was a poor swimmer who left a boat because of her seasickness. The boat was blown away by a sudden wind but several of her fellow passengers jumped in the water to comfort her. THey were good Buddhists and as the Buddhists are want to do talked to her about what she would want in this moment suggesting such things as love, kindness, compassion and equanimity. Her response was that she wanted the boat back.

Another part of her talk was of a small boy who had a brain tumor that made a bargain with God to heal himself of it. He had a child's vision of how to do it stuck to the bargain that he made knowing that it may not work and had no guarantees and and one point when he was busy fighting the tumor let go of the struggle and let God control. He was successful in defeating the disease.

For me I have had enough of loneliness and abandonment for the time being and am working on human contact ,friendship, inspiration ,learning and letting go of a non-social life.I am not versed in in yet but am loving the people who are around me and giving me their time , and companionship. My heart tells me that healing lies more in this direction than more austerity. Enjoying life has more appeal at the moment than giving up hope and fear but oddly as I write this enjoying life may be the way to give up hope and fear.