The Mustard Seed

One of the claims of a Reiki practitioner that I first encountered was that by using Reiki he fixed his copy machine.

Can you feel your incredulity beginning to come into consciousness?

I could.

So after the course in Reiki this weekend I encountered the copy machine that would not respond. A newbie with Reiki I decided to give it a go.

Of course there was a lot riding on this since I am placing a great deal of hope in the expectation that spiritual energy will be the source of healing for my current condition.

I did the request invocations and placed my hands over the machine with the expectation that I wold leave them there until my intuition told me to stop. In the process of doing the Reiki I watched my mind place great significance in the outcome and then watched as emotions such a anxiety and fear come because of my expectations. As I kept standing there with the hands outstretched I gradually came to see that the fixing that was being done was in me . As I relaxed more into the awareness of everything being okay including not having the machine work I soon felt a warm energy in my hands and arms. It became quite warm like being in Arizona in the shade in summer.

At last I opened my eyes with drew my hands and the machine still said it had a problem. I the opened the lid and closed it. I had done that a dozen times already. After closing the lid it was fixed.

It is how the internal part of you perceives is what changes the world.

Shamanism, Abbott and Costello, and Power Animals.

Shamanism has something that I have never availed myself of but yesterday I asked the universe to give me a powerful sign that it was interacting with me and in such a way that I could know that it was doing just that.

This afternoon two shamans showed up at the door and while I thought that they were here for a discussion of some medical news that i had received my expectations were completely changed when they took out feathers, magic sticks with attached power stones, and Tibetan gongs. In the following ceremony i sat in the middle of my mediation room in the chair that I had meditated with in the Shamatha Project and used an old cut glass bowl that is a family heirloom filled with sea salt water that had a copper tube connected to a wire in the water . I held the tube while my friendly neighborhood shaman had spirits leave my body those of my parents and grandparent in the way that gave both of us our freedom and dissolved contracts ,obligations, and notes that were interfering with our higher selves .

All of this was very enlightening and entertaining . But as an extra benefit my two Shamanic guides decided not to agree on the strategy that they were going to use to heal. So the conversation ran as an argument.

"Get that character in the corner into the light."

" I don't see him "

"Well he's there if you look"

"I don't work this way. I let the person taking the journey evoke his own images."

"I am here because he can't find the spirit and I will tell him what I see."

"Calm down. We need to get on with the healing."

All delightfully entertaining and healing in a humorous way. My guru sent me what I needed and certainly did not expect.

The process was over way to soon and concluded with the spirit of Medicine Buddha being instilled into my life and a power animal with a name becoming becoming known to me as a spirit guide.

Scylla and Charybdis

In the Odyssey by Homer the hero Odysseus was caught having to make a choice between the two unpalatable alternatives. One choice he would lose several men to a multi-headed demigod who was able to grab several of the men off of his ship and devour them. Scylla was consistent in that she took from all he sought passage by her but if moving quickly would only take a few of the crew. Charybdis however was a whirlpool that would swallow the whole ship and only disgorge them remnants three times a day. This is the epic story's method of explaining the problem between the ghastly and the fatal.

The choices that I face today are not yet on that magnitude but they are having the elements stirred about in such a way as to begin to offer that choice.

I have somewhat naively been sailing this sea with the waters buffeting me uncomfortably and have not recognized where I am in relation to the horizon and the tides. Everyone has an agenda and that has been the tides that I have not noticed, not all the agendas are as sanguine as one would hope and I need to recognize the horizon that I am looking at.

All of the agendas have a self-interest aspect to them and need to be examined. Which of those agendas coincide most closely with mine are the watchful helmsman's duty to the craft he is sailing.

Another story in the Odyssey relates to when Circe was helping the men of the Odyssey prepare for the journey back to Ithaca one of the men had climbed upon the roof and when the call came for him to leave walked off of that roof to his death. Unawareness with a brutal result.

Caution is a powerful watchword and I shall have to exercise a great deal of it in order to return home safely .

Things to be thankful for on this day and every day.

THe blessing of having a guru to grant a life of the spirit. It is a place to turn in all the circumstances that are trying to receive hope renewal courage equanimity strength love and joy. The book Be Here Now ,which has lead me to the holy works of many paths.

The blessing of a growing faith . From that core comes the blessing of the fellow seekers on the path no matter of what faith or lack thereof. And the blessing of a path . Then comes the many things that I have to be thankful for.

Being part of the Shamatha Project a scientific project that will set a precedent for the study of consciousness that will eventually expand science out of some of its narrow strictures and into a wider and deeper appreciation of how powerful consciousness is. This will hasten the transformation to a more aware society by giving its most dominant tool , science, data from which the awareness of the power of consciousness will grow and transform the society in ways that will be healing and ennobling. I believe that this was the opportunity of a lifetime and it is one in which I have great pride . It gives me the courage to look at the other projects that I wish to pursue and fulfill.

I am thankful for the opportunity to serve. Today is the chance to open my home for those who might otherwise not have a place to be on thanksgiving. Hospice gives me the opportunity to be a guide in the service of those who are about to transition out of the body , as a hospice volunteer it is a singular honor to be with someone when they leave. I give thanks for the beauty that those experience bestow.

I am thankful for the friends who have enriched my life. My fellow dreamers lucid ,tibetan yoga, and integral.

I am thankful for the teachers that have spoken to my soul and help me every day Ram Dass , Alan Wallace, Zachojoe Rinpoche, the Dalai Lama.

I am thankful for my family the closest of whom is my sister/ cousin Mary who I met when I was 3 weeks old and am blessed in talking to regularly . My cousins Tom and Mary who have been faithful friends . My cousins Kaye and Mark who have shared with me a path of beauty and grace. All the beautiful children they have who give me hope. Bruce the brilliant nephew whose creativity is the beginning of understanding the new healing that I am part of. Lisa the ex-wife who in her own way is giving me the ability to step out of whatever the norm is and into the next calling and with whom I shared over 20 happy years.

I am grateful for having wonderful old friends in my life such as Victoria with whom I have spent many a phone evening and has listened patiently and thoughtfully to all of my minds wanderings for many years , Joe the patient listener with whom I share a deep bond of friendship and love. Sylvia the good old girl who will not abandon a friend in need. Allie who will not let me become anything less than the conscious being that I am . Leroy who shows me intense compassion without sympathy. Donovan who set me up on skype so I can be part of other lives and created this blog that I can share my musings. Especially this blog about what I have to be thankful for.

I am grateful for new friends who teach me the new skills that I need to learn to cope with my new situation. Winter who is my guide to understanding the mystery of insurance, Jenine, Ardas Kaur, and Bhagat Kaur whose reiki treatments are the next step on the path of healing. Dave the electrician who blessed me with his presence. Jason the chef who gives me good food to eat .

A life of balance enough warmth on a cool day.

The beautiful home that I live in with its gorgeous sunrises and sunsets,the chance to live in a country that provides me with so many opportunities. The material wealth that I have that allows me to concentrate on healing and well being.

Medicines to make me well .

Thank you ,Thank you ,Thank you.

What joy

Inner Energies

Today three Master Reiki healers did their work upon me . It lasted an hour and was an experience that can be described as something that takes the bodies inner energy and uses that energy to heal. With three healers the experience let me understand that the healing had to take place over a vast range of self. The dis-ease that currently is the concern in my physical form is only one part of an array of healing that needs to be done throughout my physical form , emotional , psychic, and other forms that I am becoming aware of. During the hour of the treatment I had the impression of being in a microwave oven. The inside of my body felt that it was cooking . This experience happened so often that I could not count the number of times that it took place. When they had finished I was given water and a chance to rest.

As a meditator I am relatively aware of mental states and this one was quite profound in its spaciousness. Thoughts emerge and have emotional repercussions , the more aware of this process that one can be through the actual real time moment the more the opportunity to release the process if it has an unhealthy aspect to it and simple let it slip back into nothingness. I will work further with these healers and report on the results.

The light of compassion after the storm

"There are three levels of compassionate action that I can see:

The first is you do compassionate actions as best you can as an exercise to become closer to God, to Spirit, to Awareness, to One.

The second is when you start to appreciate that you're a part of something larger than yourself and you are an instrument of God. No longer are you doing it to get there, you're now doing it as an instrument.

Third is where you lose self-consciousness and you are "God manifest." You're part of the hand of God. Then you're not doing anything. It's just God manifest.

How do you get to that third one? By honoring others and being patient."

--Ram Dass

Taking drugs that have side effects is what the last post was about. The energy that one gets from Reiki is intense and added to the effects of Lupron which is the drug that I am being given to control the hormones that activate the cancer cells leads to intense moments.

The slightest disturbance and my system reacts . What was shared in the previous post is part of the mental process that accompanies the flow of energy that drugs and reiki provide. There is little to prepare me for this because I have avoided drugs for so long and my way of dealing with it is minimal. Meditation which I did last night for 3-4 hours and writing is my method of choice.

Last night I called Silent Unity and prayed. I now have another way to work with all the energy. Show compassion and loving kindness for all . Their suffering is a manifestation of the suffering of all of us.

A Crisis of Faith

The latest exciting adventure is a healing one that is turning into a crises of faith. I have been reunited with my ex-wife Lisa. She is doing a technique called reiki which I only know a little about. My understanding is that it rearranges the universal energy to come back into harmony. Something of the reverse of entropy.

Getting together with Lisa is a short lived relief. I did not want to die not having her speak to me but the circumstances of our interactions with each other has changed. She is now a service provider working for money and I am not sure about the capability of the provider , her desire to heal me , and am not sure how to test this.

My doubts come to me and I sit with them in meditation watching them as forms of energy rising in the mind . The manifestations are that it has a visceral effect on the physical body and the emotional body becomes caught up in the process. When I can meditate fully enough the process becomes the rising and falling away of energy. This is how I achieve peace.

After becoming peaceful I then came up with an idea that would assuage my doubts, allow me to empirically observe results, and see how willing Lisa is to test her abilities.

Several people have told me about the ability of a Reiki master to fix things that are mechanical. THe first person to speak in the Reiki evening I attended told me about fixing a copying machine with Reiki another person that evening mention fixing some other mechanical device. Last night I another reiki master was talking about being a single mom down on her luck with a car that had flunked the local emissions test. She had little money a decided to use reiki on the carburetor after twenty minutes of Reiki she took the car back to the test station an got the second highest clean test they had had that day.

Today the engine light in my car came on. I can see no major problem, the gauges are normal, belts are okay and no unusual odors are emerging from under the hood. What I want to propose to Lisa is that she fix the problem with Reiki. It would go a long way to convincing me that this stuff is effective and would not rely on tests that have so many variables as to be impossible to separate out the cause.

Tomorrow will be the first of many challenges if this process of finding health is going to succeed . I hope Lisa is up to it.

"What is the purpose of this life? A soul takes a human birth in order to have a series of experiences through which it will awaken out of its illusion of separateness. This physical experience acts as a curriculum for awakening and its purpose is to awaken us from the illusion. Spiritual practices are tools to help us do that. " --Ram Dass What strikes me about this experience is the amount of suffering and sorrow that I am encountering. Yesterday , I contacted an old friend of 50 years who told me of not wishing to share this journey with her mother who has cancer. A different generation who manage their lives in a different way. I honor her choice. Another story is another friend who is a cancer survivor and has gotten himself in so much debt that seemingly the only viable solution for his predicament is bankruptcy. It is testimony to the spirit of the man that he continues to uplift those around him with song and joy. I am proud to know him.

For myself I proceed to use this experience as learning. I have been sort of monk-like in the last few years meditating for long hours and doing little socially. That has become an unbalanced approach to this endeavor . Love from friends and family is critical for healing those who I talk to about their sorrows and struggles and for me and mine.

My own struggle falls into perspective no less important than before but larger. We heal ourselves collectively. We work on ourselves individually.

Let me not get to romantic about this and just report on some details. I have spent the time I have organizing this effort as a CEO of Keep Fred Healthy and Alive. Learning about Prostate Cancer from friends and written material . A retired MD friend to consult with is a real blessing. Moderating a debate among the healers I know who have differing opinions about foods, herbs, and vitamins. Exercising a body that needs to be ready for whatever insults will be delivered by the medical profession with the chosen course of action. The exercise is with weight training, aerobics, and hatha yoga. Joining a support group of men who are dealing with the same health issues that I am, it is called US - too. Preserving my emotional health with therapy , the drama is intense and it is like having a trainer to deal with emotions. Setting up an office built around the information technology that I have available, such as this blog, the writing of which is a therapy. Calling on the good will and resources of friends who have skills in other critical fields such as insurance , this one is a real maze and having an ex-claims adjuster to explain in English is a god-send. The doctors themselves efficient , knowledgeable , compassionate. The two of the three that I have chosen and consulted with so far. Haven't consulted with the third although I met him at a conference.

On the weekend another friend gifted in the arts of technology set up this blog for me and helped me install Skype on my computers and get it working. Skype is the internet way to have a video talk with someone. As the Holiday season approaches I want to be with family and friends but traveling if I am immune-compromised is dangerous . With Skype I can see and hear the events I wish I could join but be safe at home not having to maneuver through airplanes, airports, buses, and being in enclosed spaces with potentially ill people.

This weekend I am hosting a party for lucid dreamers. I want to share the experience of the previous post with them and learn how to use the sleeping hours to affect healing, compassion, loving kindness, joy, and equanimity.

Last Nights Dream

Arouse last night with an intense sensation of being. It was like driving a car a very high speed. The focus was particularly intense with no deviation from the moment but not at all calm and relaxed. Sat with it for an hour in meditation and then returned to sleep. Not rested.

Then had a dream in which I was at war with an enemy that could invade anything that I ate or drank and could use that against me. And was doing so. The enemy was even getting into the foods that I wanted to eat and would leave markers letting me know of its invasive qualities.

Woke up into a hypnogogic sleep and realized that I could use a dream state that I had learned of the other day which I called the grey zone. A state that would transform anything from black to white or white to black or sophisticated to rough or rough to sophisticated or whatever opposite that exists into its opposite to any degree that I wished.

Took the invasive energy in my dreams and with a lucid dream watched as the energy was transformed into an ally of healing energy.

Awoke this morning and wrote this down looked on a website for Ram Dass meetup group an got an email from an inquiry I had posted on a health and wellness group on the site. Her first line was

You can ask your helpers to come answer you as you are about to drift off each night.

This is getting to be a real adventure.

Fred