It is interesting to me that people actually read what I have to say in these blogs. The latest surprise is my former sister in law. A former nurse, she has been following the methods of treatment that I have been investigating and sent me some emails concerning the Oasis of Healing and their proposed method of therapy dealing with Insulin Potentiation Therapy or IPT. There are two sides to these discussions and she dutifully sent me information about both and a background upon the founder of the group. I appreciate her interest.
It is surprising to me what this endeavor is becoming. Having my life spelled out in the internet for all to view is a feeling that I find; flattering, that people actually care, humbling, I do not think that I have much to say, difficult, coming up with the words that will be worthwhile to read, disheartening, others seem to lead such interesting lives of travel and adventure, and educational, I am learning about myself and the interior life of the mind and its accompanying emotions and thoughts. It is an ungrammatical endeavor, as I realize that I can neither spell, type, or punctuate, thank you spellcheck.
A friend and teacher dropped by last night on her way home from a conference for followers of the writings of Ken Wilber. V walked into the room and brought a spaciousness of consciousness that was palpable. For those of us who do meditation a lot it is easy to discern someone whose thoughts and emotions are merely another aspect of the predicament of life rather than being the defining character of who they are. She is a powerful yogini whose practices seems as eclectic as many of ours. She does a practice that involves placing the body in a position known as the bound lotus which is the crossed legged lotus position while adding the peculiar difficulty of grabbing each of the feet with the hand while the arms from the shoulders cross behind the back. She then meditates in that position.
As she arrived she floated into the room and as part of the process of welcoming her to the meditation room I removed her shoes and washed her feet.
Washing the feet is an interesting practice, it honors the guest as well as the host. The guest is treated as being an aspect of the divine the host for recognizing that aspect. V and I discussed this as something that some of the groups that she attends might do in diads where individuals do exercises to put them in touch with various forms of consciousness that are not normal in our society but are widely recognized in in the ancient world and many contemporary societies. The Pope does it on ceremonial occasions.
V is also a good listener and empathetic fellow traveler in life with whom I do guided imagery meditations and with Skype the wonderful communication program of the internet we spend hours together practicing.
Another blessing from the universe emerged in the form of a man who could be Santa Claus in both looks and demeanor, has the name associated with a fast food chain, and is unfailing kind. He had learned of my body's condition and was expressing his sympathy. When it became apparent to him that the condition is not immediately dire, we spoke of several venues of health that I am pursuing and he had two suggestions for me about people who he could recommend for acupuncture and rolfing both of which I wish to incorporate if possible. He even offered to pay for the initial visits to these men as an expression of his faith in their efficacy and competence.
The acupuncture is something that is not invasive and may help me with the side effects of the hormone suppressant drugs that I am taking.
I have hot flashes from the effects of the drugs. They take the emotional control that I normally could exercise and remove it. Many of the emotions that I have not dealt with in my life in a satisfactory manner are now heightened and sometimes produce reactions that are painful. Abandonment is an issue in my life that has been something that I have feared so the universe has been training me in dealing with it in many ways.
From learning to deal with a wife that no longer wished to be married to a prima amiga who is adamant in not becoming involved with me beyond a certain level of comfort and will then leave to pursue her own sadhana to smaller issues. I have had the opportunity to learn that I bring the suffering of those experiences upon myself by what the Buddhists and others call grasping and that the grasping is the suffering.
While I have learned much it is still often painful. The hormone drugs have a way of fueling these emotions to an intensity and with a suddenness that can be overwhelming.
A quick example: Yesterday I was attempting to make an appointment to get a shot of a drug called Zometa, a drug that is useful for men taking hormone drugs to replace the calcium lost. It is important. I also was having tire problems with the car and having to get the hook that holds the spare in the car replaced as well as the tire replaced. Parts were not available. Time was not something that I felt that I had much of (after all my bones are falling apart), and while this normally would be an irritation, I was turning it over and over in my mind (watching the turning as a good Buddhist would do) until I had gotten so excited that after the phone call came from the Doctors office I cried. I had not been abandoned!
There are any number of options available to deal with this and I am employing several including therapy, meditation, and acupuncture. I know that some drugs exist to deal with this but I am not looking to become unconscious to my inner demons but rather learning to turn them into tools of deepening my spiritual practice.
Acupuncture has been a learning tool for me in the past and I am going to explore its potential in dealing with the side effects of hormone drugs. Rolfing and energy work may also have some salubrious effect. It is an exploration of the unknown.
