Reached a point the other day in which I could not write. My sense of exploring my mind and senses and reporting back was gone. Several times I took up writing this blog and after extensive outpourings I found the material neither interesting, true, funny, or meaningful.

I do not have standards that are that high and when what I write does not even reach that paltry level I gave up.

I did work out and over did some of the exercises but that hardly  seems blog worthy.

Friday morning I did a transfusion of VItamin C and the result was another painful intubation where the  needle left the vein. Later that day I was given a transfusion of Zometa, a drug that replaces the bone tissue that both the metastases and the hormone therapy is depriving me of.

After leaving the office I went for a hike. Touring the Squaw Peak park I explored some trails that I had not taken before and while hiking had the opportunity to receive a call from the urologist on my case asking about an email that I had sent him. The brief conversation, having a doctor call me--what a novelty--left me elated when reported the PSA number and he called the results superb.

 The reaction however that evening at 2 in the morning was chest pain and after an hour of that cramping in the chest, and exhaustion that led to intermittent sleep for the next 40 hours. This is a drug reaction that I will have  to expect for two or three more times according to the assistant of Dr. O, my local oncologist.

Fortunately I spent the evening with a friend who I felt would be able to take me to the emergency room if necessary. As would my neighbor, whom I call  the wrathful aspect of compassion, when I told him about the situation. He said  that  the best emergency room is Mayo Bros.

Wednesday I was tested for TB at the hospice where I volunteer and was also given an injection of  H1N1 vaccine for swine flu. The TB test will be read on Friday.
  
More news is that BC/BS does not want to pay for my doctor visit to the physicians in LA "out of area" and am going to have to deal with that as another opportunity to learn coping skills in the insurance world.
  
Most of the time there is a forgetting of the beauty of living and breathing when these situations present themselves. But that is the very thing that will destroy the most valuable part of life if I follow those impulses. All of the skills that am learning are part of the environment which is coming at me. Softening my response to them will be more productive than being hard and strong. Gentle overcomes hard. The beauty that surrounds me also grows as I let go into these challenges.

S, a man I have know for five years, is now visiting me . Years of cajoling him to come have been fulfilled. I met him at an Alan Wallace retreat years ago, the first Alan Wallace Shamatha meditation retreat that I participated in. Young enough to be a son I find him wise, perceptive, and attentive.

We visited a Shaman out near Roosevelt Lake yesterday and enjoyed the clear air beautiful sights and company of interesting people.
 
I have more to say but if I do not publish this I will never begin to catch up