Shinzen Young retreat in LA 2

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

           How do I make a decision?            That seems to be the big question for the day. I was told of a way that SHinzen has organized and observed thinking so that one can observe the factors of ones own decision making process and learn how to accentuate the aspects that lead to worthwhile decisions and observe the things that lead to poor decisions.

           How do I decide to do anything? When I first got the diagnosis I was possessed by fear but rather than succumb to its paralyzing effects I took action, some good, some bad, some indifferent.  Among the good actions I list; seeing Ram Dass in Maui, going to see Alan at the 4 immeasurables weekend, setting up a food source through Devil Spice Food, getting W to instruct me in setting up bookkeeping with the insurance and tax people in mind, and getting the prima Amiga involved in some of the decision making.

           The indifferent decisions were to follow the advise of the ex-wife in going to get reiki training and going to the naturopath. I have not followed up upon Reiki because while I have had some good experiences I have also not gotten the type of intellectual support that I find critical. The ex is very smart and follows the rules to the letter but does not have a creative bone in her body. So she just does what the protocol is and does it perfectly.  This is great in the profession that she followed that of pathologist, because who wants a pathologist whose mind wanders creatively while looking at a sample of their anatomy to check for cancer or not.  But Reiki requires a feel and for me naturopath requires a sense of interconnectedness with the patient.  The ex would not be aware of either one of those qualities. 

           I do not wish to cast aspirations upon the ex ‘s character it is the highest, nor her judgment which in her field is outstanding but when it comes to humanity the lack of connectedness is palpable. It is a feeling that when things get tough, you’re on your own.

 Perhaps I recognize this in her since it is a lacking that I of the feel in myself and perhaps it is why we were married for twenty-two years.

           I digress, the poor decisions were signing up for something with the gym that I did not use did not fully understand and failed to follow up on. It was a financial decision that I did not get good use of.  

I have undone the financially poor decisions, am contemplating how to deal with the indifferent ones.

           Over the year I made many decisions as to how to proceed. The general criteria that I have used are that of following my heart. But the question remains how am I making decisions. Not what are the decisions good or bad but what is the process that I go through to reach them?

Well got an answer, found that the associate of SHinzen has already thought through and publish a decision tree using the mindfulness process now I will have to apply it.